"Did I Do That?" {Volume 2}

The time has come.

Volume 2 of "Did I Do That?"



Obviously, I'm a big fan of Steve-o here in the suspenders.

I know you can HARDLY contain your excitement right now, but let's try to hold it together for a minute so we can share some laughs. at my expense.

*Vol 2.* didn't take very long to create because...

A. Let's face it..I have so many embarassing stories in my past that I could probably have 10 volumes and

B. You guys clearly got a kick out of making fun of me the first time, because it was my most popular post to date.

I must say upfront that I put my Dad through much more than necessary in high school. I thought I could get away with everything, when in reality..I got away with nothing.
 There were countless nights and weekends spent with: NO CAR. NO PHONE. NO COMPUTER {OMG...like, NO AOL OR AIM?! How would I flirt or chat with my girly girls? My life was over as I knew it.}

He knew those 3 things were my lifelines.
Boy, oh boy, do I NOT miss getting grounded.

Nevertheless, he was the best Dad I could ask for, and I still need to make it up to him for putting him through so much stress.


With that being said---LEEEET'S GO.

#1. Cedar Point MADNESS. My personal favorite.

This is hilarious, yet so embarassing, but too great to NOT share.

Picture it (I also confess I use this line circa The Golden Girls era: think Sophia with her story telling): Me, Billy, my best friend Lindsay, and a guy she was talking to at the time went to Cedar Point for the day {aka theme park full of rollercoasters}. We just arrived and were waiting in line for the Raptor...our first ride of the day. We waited almost 2 hours to get on this damn ride. Growing up, I never got sick on rollercoasters, until around the time I went to high school, and then things went south. My stomach switched on me and decided that I am just not cut out for them. 

Thinking that I was in college now and clearly more mature - I thought my body would be more mature and over this stage and I'd be fine riding rollercoasters. So...we get on the Raptor and much to my surprise within 30 seconds of being on the ride, I feel the need to hurl. I'm a lady and wanted to try to make it to the restroom at the very least, so I decided to hold it in. The entire ride my eyes were rolling in the back of my head and I was counting down the seconds until the monster ride was over. You know how you have to wait and watch the carts in front of you unload before you can get off? That's when I realized I could NOT hold it in any longer. I looked to my left: there was Lindsay. I looked to my right: there was Billy. Who was about to get thrown up on? I asked myself. After much deliberation (approximately .3 seconds), I decided to just subject myself to it and throw up on myself. I was wearing white shorts. Do you know what throw up on white shorts looks like? Not pretty my friends, especially when it seeps down to the back of my white shorts.

The next events went like this: The man working the speaker to the rollercoaster ride got on the speaker and said "WE'VE GOT A PUKER!!!" and they had to clean off my puke from my seat. Another worker chose to take it upon himself to HOSE ME DOWN. Gee, thanks. in front of hundreds of people waiting in line. NOT EMBARASSING, AT ALL. But hey, atleast the puke was off my legs and shorts.



I spent the rest of the day curled up in the bathroom or on the park bench.
Fact: Money spent at the amusement park can't buy you class.



#2. Celeb sighting..or not so much.

There's not much of a story to this one. I partied with Don Vito (and some other Jackass peeps) before and thought I was the bomb.com.

and as if it couldn't get ANY BETTER

I went and did this...

BAM.

He's a real looker, isn't he?

#3. The Oxygen Tank.



I worked at a retirement home in high school for a couple years with some of my very best friends and we didn't really take the job all too seriously. This may be due to the fact that we saw elderly men come to the dinner hall with just their briefs on, obviously forgetting they needed to wear pants too. Anywho, I was serving one table dinner and accidentally stepped on a sweet man's oxygen tank. I didn't realize and continued standing in the same spot fixing up the table and other sorts, then I looked to see him holding his throat gasping for air.

Man, did I feel like absolute shit (typically I don't cuss on my blog, but this circumstance is appropriate.) There's no feeling like looking down at an innocent man who I just pretty much suffocated..I felt awful.  It does make for a good story now, I guess.

PS-No major problems with this man's health occured by me doing this. thank the Lord.

**Another side story from the retirement home? One of my friends and coworker at the time definitely dropped a butter knife on a ladies head. She was one of the smallest ladies I've ever seen in my life, barely seeing above the table, and looked up at him and said, "am I bleeeeeding?" in the cutest/saddest voice ever. How tragic.

***Okay, ONE more retirement home story. You'll like this. I became really close with a table of ladies who were HILARIOUS..one night they took my cell phone out of my work uniform's pocket and CALLED MY DAD and told him "your daughter is a little shit!" <---clearly they were kidding, because everyone knows I'm pretty much an angel here on earth.

Too funny. Dad had NO idea who was calling his daughter a little shit, but I'm sure he agreed & it made for a few laughs.

#4. Driving with no license.

I've found that a lot of my "Did I do that?" moments happen either in a vehicle or with another vehicle. Here's a good one for you.

I thought I was a total bada$$ in high school and thought I could take my precious car our for a spin to my homies house (yes, the same Jeep that I backed out of our garage through our garage door) with JUST MY TEMPS after school one day without my Dad noticing.

The plan was executed perfectly......until the ride home. I was on my way home, speeding no doubt, to try and get home before my Dad got off work at 5 and then IT HAPPENED: MY DAD WAS IN THE CAR NEXT TO ME IN THE OTHER LANE!!!!!

B-U-S-T-E-D. Driving with no license. Me = Deer in headlights.



#5. Teeny Bopper boy crazy car wreck.

Remember those retirement home stories from above? This isn't one, but it's related.



One day, my girlfriend Rachel and I were riding in her SWEET Neon {had to include a pic of it} to head to the nursing home for work when we spotted some teenage Justin Timberlake wanna-be's that we just had to check out from head to toe. They were actualy standing on the side of the road because they just got in a car accident.

:::Who are THOSE hotties??:::

Well, they weren't the only ones about to be in an accident. We got in a car accident (Rachel was driving-so I consider this only HALF my fault) from LOOKING at them during their car accident. Classy individuals I tell ya. I had to run from the accident scene to our work to let them know why we were late. Good times.

#6. High school parties gone wrong...or GOOD?



It seemed like everytime my Dad went out of town in high school, I had a party. Not so nice of me. This time was legendary. We were living in a townhome while our house was being built and there were boxes everywhere in our 2 garages. This was a problem because we clearly needed a spot for the beer pong table and for the KEG to go. My Dad is super smart and clean and I knew he'd notice if I moved the boxes, so I decided to grab my bff Lindsay to help me write down EXACTLY where each box was. how it was facing in the garage. and what was in it. THIS WOULD FOR SURE FOOL HIM.

We moved all the boxes out of the garage (I don't even know where we put them..) and the keg and table for beer pong went in. The party was a solid 9 out of 10. Place was packed and people were having a blast. That is until my friend Rachel (mentioned above) came running at me saying the cops were at the door. No biggie, she slammed the door in their face when they asked for the owner of the house. Not suspicious at all. Everyone freaked out that the cops showed up so everyone fleed out our back garages. Our close group of friends stayed over still and spent the night. I woke up that morning to find my digital camera in the dishwasher, a doorknob broke on our bathroom, and plants destroyed. Oy vey. We put the boxes back JUST like we found them and I still thought I could cover this up and my Dad would never know I had a party.

He came home the next day and literally within 2 hours of being home, I had a knock at my bedroom door. He was holding a flip flop {singular}...my bff Lindsay's flip flop to be exact. He said, "You are trying to tell me you didn't have a party, but I find a FLIP FLOP under my BED?!" .....at that point I was thinking, "DAMN YOU LINDSAY..HOW DO YOU LEAVE MY PLACE WITH ONLY 1 SHOE?!?!" I made up some white lie of some sort. Then, it got worse...I forgot to DELETE the voicemail from the POLICE DEPARTMENT on our answering machine. Ohh, and then he found my receipt for the keg we bought.

....I was so smooth. I know you are thinking the same thing.



#7. I was on the Dean's list my final year in college.



...ok, so WHAT?! I'm allowed to brag after just putting myself to shame for the last 7 things. Gimme a break. This is true!

So, how did my Volume 2 stories match up with my Volume 1 stories?

Do you all think I'm legit crazy by now?

Which story is your favorite? Have you done anything similar?

PS-Did anyone ever drink your parents vodka and fill the bottle back up with water? or was this just me?....

I think everyone needs to go and confess...this is my 2nd round and you still haven't done round 1.

xo.