Home Is Where The Heart Is.

(excuse the quality of this picture..it's from the auditors website because I didn't have time to scan a pic of my own)

This weekend was a meaningful one. Before I get to the meaningful part--here's a quick recap. Billy and I finally got to relax and not have the whole weekend planned out which was much needed. 

Friday night we watched this...

for a second time. Hilarious. 

Saturday--we went out to one of our favorite places for breakfast. It's called Sweet Clove Sunshine Cafe and they have the.best.food.ever (breakfast and lunch!) This is what I splurged on...

to.die.for french toast! so so yummy and worth all those calories. 

 Afterwards, we ran a bunch of errands together and got some nice things for our house. Saturday night I had a girls night with my best friend Lindsay and we went to dinner, sipped on some Pinot Noir (our fav wine), and went shopping! Perfect evening. 

Here's the meaningful part.
Sunday meant the world to me. Why?

I got to go in the house I grew up in. Billy got to see it with me. It meant the absolute world to me. It's pictured above.

Let me explain to you all. My Dad (with the help of my uncle and contractors) built this home. I was 3 when the house was built and we lived in it until I was a sophomore in high school. This home isn't just my childhood home...it's where all my memories of my Mom are. 

Currently, we live only about 15 minutes away from it, so I still drive by it from time to time to look at it and to show it to Billy but I haven't actually got to go inside of it until now...8 1/2 years later. The owners that live in it now are the people my Dad sold it to, so they still remember who we are. I had been talking with our old neighbor, Lucy, who lives across the street and she kindly asked the owners who live in our old house if we could come over and take a look at it. They said it was totally fine. I was so thankful for this.

As Billy and I were walking over I was hit with a number of emotions. I was nervous, excited, happy, scared...just overwelmed with emotions (I'm choking up right now typing this). 

You see, my Mom LOVED this house. So much that in her final days of her life she wanted to spend it at home with my Dad and I - out of the hospital. We set up a special area in our family room with a bed for her where the nurses would come in and she got to look out to her favorite view of the house...our screened-in porch off the family room with the pond in the back. That was her favorite part of the whole house. She passed away there. 

I had no clue how I would hold up when seeing the house again, especially my mom's favorite parts - the porch, the family room looking out to the pond, her bedroom and bathroom, etc. I did pretty well. Billy was so sweet and kind. He held me inside the house at times when I looked like I may cry. He loved seeing the home and was just so sweet and understanding about how much this meant to me. The current owners of the house were so kind and nice to us..they gave us a whole tour again and we talked about my memories in the home in just about every room. Everything looked the same to me. The current owners haven't changed much about it besides paint colors, so it was easy for me to remember everything. Memories were racing through my mind each room we went into- "One time..I did this there", "this was my favorite room to hang out", "once I broke that" and "my Mom would always sit there". It was almost like I could picture her in the house again..us as a family together. I can honestly say I will never forget this day.

I didn't realize how much I have missed this house until now. When we moved out, I wanted to escape the memories I had in the home because I was so sad/upset that my mom was gone...I needed to get out. But now--it's like I want all the memories I can get of her back and that home has them. It's a dream of mine to someday own it again and raise our children there. I would be the happiest girl on earth. 

Sometimes, almost 10 years later, I think about what my life would be like if she were still here..if she never had cancer and we never moved out of our house. I wonder if she's still looking down on me and if she knows how much I miss her. So many unanswered questions. But one thing I know for sure is this - that home still has my heart.

 

xo. katie